I Birthed You, I Bankrolled You, Please Text Me Back

There’s a special kind of whiplash that comes with having college-aged kids.

One minute, you’re packing up the car, full of pride and bins, sending them off with coordinated dorm decor and heartfelt advice like “don’t microwave metal” and “call your mother every day.”

The next, you're staring at a sterile bedroom, wondering if the dog misses them or just enjoys the quiet.

I’ve got two daughters in college - one just finished her first year, the other her second. Both have changed majors - which is normal and character-building.   One changed schools altogether and is now back at home, which is also normal and character-building. But also... my laundry room is never empty again.

They are wonderful, intelligent, independent young women.

They are also terrible at texting me back.

College Kids: Emotionally Distant, Financially Close

When your kids first leave for college, you think you’ll be the cool parent. You imagine Sunday calls, midweek texts asking for advice, and maybe even a heartfelt “Thanks, Mom” when they realize how good they had it at home.

Reality check?

You become a Venmo account with a pulse.

Since I’m still pretty new at this – I consulted some friends who have lived to tell the tale.  I compiled the shared advice, paired it with my living experience, and came up with…

Tips for Surviving the College Kid Era Without Losing Your Mind

Adjust your expectations

They’re not going to text you daily. Or weekly. Or with anything resembling predictability or regularity.

When you ask “How’s school going?” and they say “It’s fine,” know that’s Gen Z for “I have three group projects, I’m living off ramen, and I may or may not be thriving.”

Try to ask about specific things to get them talking….like your roommate Grace – how is it going with that boy?  Eventually you will hear about the boy your daughter likes.

They don’t call when they’re having a blast.

Nope. Silence means things are good.

But let there be girl drama, boy drama, roommate drama, or financial drama - suddenly I’m their favorite contact again.

I swoop in with my best advice, my warm reassurance, and my full therapist energy. They leave the call feeling heard, healed, and whole again… and I’m left staring into space like I just lived through a Lifetime movie.

They bounce back in 30 minutes. I need three days.

If they come home to visit, don’t expect them to be home to visit.

They tell you how excited they are to visit, and then spend all of their time with their High School friends. 

Don’t take it personally.  Try to pin them down for one meal and one shopping excursion and let the rest go.

Find ways to connect on their terms.

Sometimes that means snaping them.  Or sending them Tik Toks. Sometimes it means texting “Saw this and thought of you 🥹” and leaving it at that.

And sometimes it means understanding that silence doesn’t mean they don’t love you - it means they’re busy trying to figure out life, laundry, and how many units they need to graduate.

Keep your own life full.

You’ve spent 18+ years being their calendar, their Uber, and their alarm clock. Now is the time to rediscover your hobbies, your friendships, your uninterrupted thoughts.

And wine. Rediscover wine.

Complain to friends who get it.

Nothing soothes the sting of being ghosted by your offspring like a group chat full of other moms comparing how long it’s been since they got a real text.

You Raised Them to Be Independent… And Now They Are (Ugh)

At the end of the day, I know their job is to grow into themselves - to become adults who don’t need to check in every five minutes. I just didn’t realize that success would feel so much like being ghosted.

So if you’re in this weird in-between where the house is quieter, the texts are shorter, and the grocery bill somehow still isn’t lower - just know you’re not alone.

We’re all out here waiting by our phones. Wearing our reading glasses. Wondering if “u up?” texts from our kids would be too much to hope for.

So tell me—how’s your college kid chaos going?

Are they thriving, surviving, or just texting you when they need money and emotional CPR? I’d love to hear your stories - especially from those of you with sons. Is it different? Less drama? Fewer calls? Or do they just grunt into the phone once a month to let you know they’re still alive? Drop a comment, send a message, or just shout into the void - we’re all out here doing our best to parent semi-adults from a distance. Let’s compare notes before they change majors again.